Month: May 2016

Help Out the Party Help

corporate function roomI really need to drink some more water. After all, my job gets pretty stressful around the peak times, and we’re coming into winter. Oh, you think cleaning up after parties is more of a summer thing? Nope, winter just means they all stay inside and make all their mess there. Which makes it easier to clean up in some respects, but nothing is carried away by the wind so it actually ends up being more work.

So anyway, that’s why I think there needs to be more public admiration of our sacred profession. At peak times, sometimes I don’t get to bed until mid-morning. Have you seen some of the best corporate function rooms around? Melbourne isn’t even the party capital, and sometimes the corporate folks get up to such hijinks. Sometimes I come in and find that they’ve been having cup stacking competitions, and that’s just an unnecessary waste of cups. I suppose all waste is that by definition, but that is definitely not the point. The point is that I’m tired of standing on top of a dumpster at 3am and trying to squash down a mass of plastic. It’s not good for the hips, and just getting up there has ruined a few good pairs of shoes.

No, we need to set some rules. Maybe get in cahoots with some of these places before it really gets out of hand, like it has, so now we’re getting in cahoots with them AFTER it’s got out of hand. Oh, I know what’ll put some responsibility into them! A leaflet campaign, perhaps even the leaflet campaign to end all leaflet campaigns. We can send them out to every function room in the city, every ice skating rink covered in sticky drinks, every birthday party venue that people leave stacked to the ceiling with cups and bottles. People actually have to clean that stuff up! I am one of those people. And I will get the message out to Melbourne, party venues will become a 24/7 affair.


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Learning That Green Thumb

hyacinth flowers

I wonder, can a person learn to grow flowers? I suppose that’s a silly question, because otherwise the profession of gardening would be a total ‘you got it or you don’t!’ type thing, and therefore just a little bit elitist. They probably let people do gardening who might not be totally up with the right way to plant hyacinth flower bulbs, or they sometimes trim a little bit too close to the bud. Everyone goes through on-the-job training!

So yeah, I could learn flowers, and their many ways. Shouldn’t even be that hard, because I managed to take care of my last cactus for, like, a week. So many of my friends are learning to be computer programmers, IT specialists, app designers…all jobs invented in the last few years and so dependent on technology. Whereas when there’s a big technology crash and everyone needs to learn to grow things, I’ll be all like “Oh, what’s up fellows? Growing carrots, and maybe some beautiful roses to take your mind off the fact that there’s no more technology? Sure, I can help you out with that. Because it’s my job.’

Yeah, I guess I just really want to be useful. People are always going to need gardeners, because in all the many years humans have been around, flowers have never gone out of fashion. And neither have vegetables! Isn’t that weird? I mean, it’s not like we don’t have science right now and stuff, so we can just grow carrots in a lab. Nope, all the best stuff still comes from the ground, which is why I’m looking for a decent course that’ll teach me to do that kind of thing. I mean, I might be competing against a whole lot of people who grew up on farms or whatever, but I’m willing to put in the work. I even looked up a few places to get brindabella roses online. So if class needs us to bring our own flowers…I can get my own, is what I’m saying. I like to be prepared.


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