Month: June 2016

The party planner

kids party planningYou learn a lot of strange things about parents when you plan birthday parties for a living. Of course, mine are a lot more elaborate than ‘cake and party bags’. Parents hire me because I can give their kids a real experience, like ropes courses and extreme dodgeball. But then you get the weird requests, have to deal with 400 types of allergies and then sometimes the parents who ask you to do something fun and then freak out when you do something fun.

Like…okay, example: I know all of the birthday party venue hire places in Melbourne like the back of my hand. It’s my business, so you’d hope I’d know them pretty well, what each of them are for, how they’d suit clients, all of that. But then I get the set of parents that are absolutely adamant that the party take place in this one specific place. Okay, fine, I guess it’s owned by a relative or something so they get a good deal. But it’s a room. Like, the size of an average living room. They want 40 kids at this party, and a bouncy castle. Just put the bouncy castle up outside somewhere! Uh, you haven’t hired that space. You can’t just go putting up massive inflatable castles anywhere you like. And besides, I’m stuck trying to make this event fun for forty kids in a shoebox. Sleeping lions, anyone?

Somehow, it gets worse, like when a Dad really wanted their party to include and egg and spoon race. Bit old-fashioned, but okay. Then we get to the place, it’s been raining and bogged down like nothing else. The Dad wants it to go forward, so passionately you’d think seeing his daughter in an egg and spoon race was his life’s ambition. Half the kids are refusing to race, the Mum and Dad are in a screeching row and I’m left to make that fun. Yippee.

It’s not all bad, though. At least when I have kids, I know all the best function rooms. Around Melbourne, there are a few that keep themselves hidden…but in my business, I know all the best ones. Comes in handy for family gatherings.


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Learning to be an arborist

tree removal

A famous musician once sang, ‘Take a walk on the wild side’. I’ve taken this message to heart and integrated it into my life’s ethos. Everything from daily living to my career is imbued with this notion. That’s why I’ve chosen a career in arboriculture. Something about danger is very appealing. What is life without a thrill?

They say that being a trawlerman is the most dangerous job on earth. Maybe they’re right. I’m building up to it. For now arboriculture will suffice as adequately thrilling. If you want to be an arborist in Melbourne you’ve gotta have guts. You’ll be suspended ten, fifteen, sometimes twenty meters above the ground, dissecting a tree, with only a flimsy strap and a your wits to keep yourself from crashing to the ground. It’s gotta be one of the top ten most dangerous aussie jobs for sure. Being a tree surgeon is no walk in the park. You’ve gotta be trained and you’ve got to have your wits about you. You’ve basically got to be really responsible and mature as well.

Removing branches from the tree is the hardest part. Tree pruning and and hedge trimming may seem like amateur gigs but they too have their hazards. You’ve gotta be well trained and experiences with using the clippers or else you could easily nip your fingers off.

Tree removal around Melbourne is a good trade that Id’ recommend to anyone who loves adrenaline. It beats sitting in an office chair all day. I’d rather be building muscle and breaking a sweat than getting cramps from sitting on my arse all day and repetitive strain injury from clicking on a computer mouse. Plus, as an arborist, the chicks think you’re a legend. Chicks dig danger too, and they love hunky men with big muscles. Any young men out there who want to take a walk on the wild side, get into arboriculture.

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