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Scour that Shed of Pests

termite inspections MorningtonI keep telling Ollie that he needs to get out there into that shed and declutter. I’d do it myself, but the whole place is crawling with bugs, spiders, probably a lot of rats as well. And I think I’m stating the obvious when I say that I shouldn’t have to deal with THAT.

Oh good, he’s out there. The nagging has finally paid off, as it always does in the end. I should make sure he knows to check in the corners…I don’t want to be rooting around in there one day and have a massive huntsman land on my head. What fate could be worse?

One of the grandchildren used to want to be a pest control person. They lived in Mornington, pest control was all the rage and I think he had some special seminar at the school. I don’t really know…they seem to have more seminars in schools nowadays than they do actual schoolwork. Anyway, he got it into his head that he wanted to go around getting rid of pests and such things. I thought it was very unsuitable for a little boy at first, but at least it’s a useful job. Not one I thought about very much, but then I went to the shed to see if I could find the beach umbrella (got to be ready for when the weather finally changes!) and I swear it was like some kind of…insect zoo. They were everywhere, crawling over everything, and I swear I saw a rat darting underneath the old barbecue.

So, Ollie goes on to do his pest control, I get in there with the feather duster and just like that, we have a shed that we can actually use without fear of insect revolution. Although, considering how bad things are in there…I wonder if those Mornington termite inspection people are still in business? Termites are by far the worst. I don’t want to pay for a completely new shed after this one is eaten away!


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Vista is Only the Tip of the Iceberg

custom designed platformsYOU ARE TEARING ME APART, VISTA.

I thought I’d enjoy a desk job. Seems like a bad joke now, since it’s pretty much every problem you see in the sitcoms plus much more. People keep stealing my mugs AND my lunch. No one in this company understands a single thing about computers, to the point where sometimes I think they don’t even try to solve their problems, because they can just call the IT guys. And of course, every computer in the entire place is running on Vista, because that’s the perfect thing to round off my perfect purgatory.

Builders are just nicer people, I’ve decided. Painters are generally pretty decent as well. Sometimes I’m sitting at my computer desk, and I feel my fingers twitching to set up a set of mobile aluminium scaffolding, because there are few things more satisfying than setting up your own platform. Tapping away on computer keys just isn’t the same, even when you’re solving about ten problems per hour. They’re not satisfying problems, is the thing.

I’d even be willing to set aside my crippling fear of the sun. Honestly, towards the end when the boss was starting to get suspicious that I took every sunny day off, I think I was close to getting over it. There WAS that one day where I was nearly rumbled, but I took an umbrella atop the aluminium platform and said it was because I was peeling from sunburn and didn’t want to get burned again. It sounded good at the time.

Now I’m watching people down below from my window, setting up custom design platforms and having the best of times. The times I should be having. At the very least, I’m getting rid of Vista and bringing this country into the 20th century, because it really is tearing me apart.


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Filming is Harder Than You Think

Dandenong pest exterminatorFirst day of shooting, and I’m already fed up with movie making. I’m not giving up- that’d be a terrible way to finish an entire lifetime of ambition- but wow, they don’t teach you about any of this stuff in film school. Maybe that’s because this is an amateur production and I don’t have a producer dealing with all the petty details. It’s just me, the director, dealing with all the garbage, all the actors and makeup people…and other stuff.

But really, so much stuff that they can’t teach you in uni, because it just HAPPENS. We were supposed to be filming in an abandoned hay barn, but it turned out that the place was infested with termites. Had to call up the Dandenong based termite control place for a quote, then they said that the place wasn’t stable because of the termite damage. I had to then make the decision of whether to reschedule- again- or proceed and hope the whole thing didn’t just come down on our heads. In the end, I went for a combination of both. Had to switch the screenplay around so the girl playing Maya didn’t spend any time on the upper balcony, but instead came in through the side. Ruined some of the shot since she was supposed to be silhouetted in the sunlight streaming in through the upper window…but the alternative was her crashing through the floorboards, breaking a leg and never working with me again. Then the clouds came over the sun and our lighting was ruined anyway. The catering company got the wrong day. And then my lead had to act through severe mould allergies, so now every shot makes him look like he’s about to burst into tears.

Nightmare. It cannot be like this all the time, I’m sure. Though the owner of the barn should thank us for setting the Dandenong pest control people on the place before it was eaten away. Had a feeling something was wrong from our initial scouting.


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Ladders: A Step-by-Step Guide

custom laddersSometimes, it’s good to go over the basics. Think you know how to cook rice? You’d be surprised by how many people have taken our ten-week rice cooking course and discovered that they’d been doing it wrong this whole time!

Or perhaps you THINK you know how to make a bed. As our twelve-week course will show you, making a bed is a thousand-year-old art with a thousand subtleties. Learn how the ancients developed the technique. Impress your family and friends. Become the ultimate bed-making master!

These courses and more are currently available in our vast selection. Popular this month is a short, four-week course in ladder assembly and climbing. There are so many different types of ladder that a layman can be confused whilst doing the simplest job. The basics of the course cover the many types of ladder, from basic wooden structures to mobile aluminium scaffolding. We then walk people through the process of climbing a ladder, from putting the first foot on the first rung, all the way through to such developments as stepping on a rung for the fifth time. You may think it’s simple…but what do you then do with your hands?? Do you have the coordination to operate them at the same time as your feet? It’s not as easy as you think.

For our advanced class, students will go onto setting up basic ladder-like structures, placing them against the wall, and making sure that users are not going to plummet downwards to potential injury. Our latest ladder course has received great reviews, with many asking it to be extended into a six-month course that includes the basics of using a step-ladder, or even something more extreme like custom ladders.

This and more awaits you if you choose one of our great courses. Meet new friends, learn some vital skills, and improve yourself today!

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The romance of beauty treatments

laser hair removalI have no idea what I’m going to do. It’s the first time I’d been invited out on a date in over a year. I’m not a particularly social person and don’t have the confidence to asked those I’ve fancied out for dinner. I don’t want to invite people into my life, but if they are willing to walk into it I’m more than happy to have the company.

I‘ve been hurt too many times before and that is my way of protecting myself from any further scars. It’smy safeguard, my way of ensuring I don’t put trust in the wrong people who end up disappointing me. The guy at my local bakery has served me each afternoon for the past five years. I love our little afternoon chats, but I never thought he viewed me in a romantic way. When he invited me to a new restaurant that had just opened I was shocked and in a soft gasp, I accepted his invitation.

With the date fast approaching, I’m frantically trying to prepare myself. I don’t want to mess up this opportunity. I have decided the best thing to do, for my sanity and for my date’s sake, is to book in an appointment for laser hair removal. Melbourne is a progressive city where women are free to do as they please. It’s my choice to get hair removal, I’m not doing it to meet some expectations. That being said, I need the help of professionals to take care of my appearance, that way all I have to focus on is not making a fool of myself.

The one thing I was definitely going to have done is laser hair removal, but why stop at that? It’s been such a long time since I’ve had any romance in my life, perhaps I should try some other treatments. I’ve always thought my lips could use some more volume, and I’ve had a friend tell me all of the benefits of lip injections. Melbourne men probably don’t care about such things, it’s more of a confidence thing in myself. I have a good feeling about this, my life could use a little excitement.

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A change of direction

emergency plumberThis may be a bit of a radial proposition over here so just hear me out.

Firstly, I’d like to kick this off by saying I hate what I’m doing. I’m not saying that to be melodramatic, either. I know a lot of people love studying and love going to uni and all that jazz but it really just isn’t for me. The problem is, though, that it was always more or less expected that I would go to uni. My parents didn’t come from the most well off backgrounds, and they always wanted more for me. They just didn’t necessarily take into account what I wanted out of life. The other day it just kind of clicked. I am my own person, not my parent’s realisation of the life they could have had. I can live the life I chose.

So I’ve started looking at what kind of courses there are for plumbers in Melbourne. I know, I know, I’m probably not going to find a trade course for free on the internet, but I can try. More than that, I’m just starting to get my eye in. I’m starting to work out how long these kind of plumbing courses go for, what I can expect to get out of them, what exactly I’ll be qualified for once I finish. There are so many things like apprenticeships and stuff that I’d never really had to take into consideration before, but I can see it’s a big part of training to be a plumber. It’s not all fun and games, quite often you’re on call as a 24 hour emergency plumber. Melbourne has serious standards, and if I’m going to be a part of this drain unblocking world, I’m going to have to face my fears. I just hope I’m strong enough and brave enough to make such a drastic change. I hope my parents understand that I need to do whatever it takes to be happy.

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Finding my calling

signage MelbourneI really don’t like my job. And it’s not that I don’t like where I work, or the repetitiveness of it all, or I hate my boss or anything like that. It’s that I genuinely, truly, deep down in my soul, hate my chosen career. I messed up, okay? I was a kid, they said pick, and I picked blindly, just as I blindly followed my path all the way here. And now I’m just sick of it. I can’t do it any more, I’m literally dying of boredom here.

In all the time I’ve spent procrastinating at work, I’ve been trying to think of what exactly I should do, if I’m not going to do this. For a while I was stuck, with no idea of what I was going to do, and then a saw a sign.

I have to be honest, I’ve never noticed the signage in Melbourne particularly. Not because it’s not good, or anything, but signage is usually something that you just skate over quickly, that you don’t pay much attention to. But on the way home about a week ago, it was almost like the heavens parted and my path became clear to me. It was a sign – in every sense of the phrase.

So that’s what I think I’m going to do. Of course, I want to try and find a niche, if possible. I’ve been looking through different portfolios and things like that, and by the looks of it, LED signage in Melbourne is a market that’s been largely underdeveloped. Perhaps that’s something I can go into. In any case, the first step in the exercise is just to find some kind of course, which is why I came here in the first place. Hopefully, I can find the kind of thing I’m looking for.

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A gradual leap of faith

timber window repairsI’m going to be honest here. Really honest. Probably more honest with myself than I have been in a long, long time. The truth of the matter is, I really don’t know what I’m doing. People that know me would probably laugh at that. I know I look like I’ve got it all figured out. That’s just a lie I tell to myself and those around me to keep away the scary truth. I don’t want to be lost, no one does I guess, and so it’s easier to look like and act like I know what I want. But I don’t.

Over the last few months I’ve been looking more and more at doing some kind of online course or something. I guess that’s what has lead me to come on this website in the first place. In the spirit of not giving too much about myself away (although I did just share one of my deepest secrets out here on the internet) I’m not going to mention what industry I’m currently in, but I will say that I think it’s time for a change. So I’ve been looking at maybe doing some kind of online qualification in window replacements. Melbourne has a bit of a need for more hands-on types labourers, I know that much, and I’m so sick of sitting behind a computer all day everyday that I think I’d like to do something tangible. Something real. So going into a trade has been something I’ve been looking at pretty seriously.

The thing is, though, I’m not really sure whether I could pick up a job like that on-line. I mean, it’s pretty on-the-job type of stuff. But unless I quit my job, I just don’t really have the time to do an apprenticeship or anything like that. But if I want to become a timber window repair specialist in Melbourne, I know that is probably what it takes. I’m just not sure I’m ready to take that big of a leap of fate quite yet.

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Ballarat’s Laser Hair Removal, Now Available!

laser hair removal BallaratSo I just got back from a trip to the USA, and you know what? You know what?? None of them knew where Ballarat was. They all had a good giggle at our Australian names- I had to point out several times that ‘Ballarat’ is extremely tame compared to some place names we have around here- but all just shrugged when I said that’s where I was from. You know, Ballarat! The place where the gold rush happened!

No one even knows the gold rush. Maybe it’s because they only learn American history, but I also stopped off in London for a few days and most people had at least heard of Ballarat. The very first person I talked to- the lady at the desk in the hostel- said “ah yeah, right love, the place with all the gold, innit?” or something. So that’s nice, but what does Ballarat have to do to put itself on the map for Americans? Start an award-winning cheeseburger industry?

The only industry thriving apart from Sovereign Hill in Ballarat is cosmetic tattooing. I’m serious, people absolutely love them. I think maybe because it’s been such a country town for a while even though it’s a bit touristy. The ruling people don’t want anything that can be considered too new in the town centre, so we’ve pretty much watched a lot of interesting niche shops come, stay for a week and then get nudged out. Now the beauty industry has finally found its feet and you can go and get your nails done by a specialist, or get your eyebrows tattooed, or anti-wrinkle treatments if that’s really your thing. It’s not mine…yet. Got a few decades to go!

It fits me pretty well, this whole beauty thing. Ugh, Ballarat used to be SO boring if you lived there and weren’t just visiting, but now it’s bustling with townsfolk and a few more shops that sell things other than souvenirs and small gold fragments. Ballarat has laser hair removal now. Didn’t think we’d ever see that!

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A study voucher

dry needling courses SydneyIt’s been ten years since I graduated high school. I had a massive party for my twenty-eighth and ended up passed out naked at the front door two days later. Dad stepped out at eight am to go to work in the Tuesday morning and found me there. He said, ‘Bobby, you’ve spent the last ten years doing absolutely nothing — it’s time you got a job.’ He then told me that he was going to pay for my course, and to consider it a gift voucher for my twenty eighth birthday. So that’s how I ended up looking at dry needling courses in Sydney.

Don’t ask me how I decided on dry needlings, I really don’t know. It’s like, when I was forced to make a decision then I managed to make up my mind. I guess the reason I never went to uni or tafe for so long is because I had no idea what i wanted to do. After Dad gave me that final push — and the funding didn’t hurt either — then it was easy. I’d had trigger point dry needling before for some muscular pain and I found it really effective. So then my girlfriend started getting pains too and I told her I’d learn how to do it and treat her at home.

Even though I haven’t started studying yet I already feel more focused. I actually had a shower this morning. Who’d have thought that I could get myself composed in time for dry needling courses. Near NZ and Australia, we have a lot of Eastern methods influencing our medical practices here. What used to be considered “alternative medicine” changed to “complementary medicine” and is slowly getting more and more accepted as legitimate. Trigger point dry needling for instance has been shown to successfully treat certain conditions in clinical studies.

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