In retrospect, no one really ‘hates’ children, even though many claim to. After all, children are not constrained by race, ethnicity, cultural background, family or any of the things we usually judge humans with. They are universal. Thus, people who claim to ‘hate’ children are actually just objecting to their shared behaviours: rudeness, loud voices, a lack of inhibitions and a general absence of the ability to make decent conversations.

Thus, I object to the shared behaviours of nearly all children. In fact, I strongly object more than most, which I acknowledge as a personal weakness as there are many who can handle children with no issues whatsoever. It has cost me, in the past. I used to be a conveyancer. Melbourne has many houses and properties I need of conveyancing, and no doubt they continue to be conveyed without me. I became a liability in the office whenever clients brought their children, which I must note, they were at liberty to do. We even had a designated play area with various tools of education, such as that strange device with beads and very long pieces of thin metal for children to…do whatever it is they do with such a device. However, sometimes in my conveyancing duties, parents would bring their children of varying ages into the room. The children would proceed to make sounds of an unpleasant tone and timbre, possibly indicating want or need. I would object, and the clients would not be pleased. Those are the broad stroke details of why I left that particular line of work.

Melbourne deserves conveyancing solicitors who are more tolerant of all clientele, and not just those who can compose themselves with decorum and respect of the great pursuit of property transfers. In retrospect, perhaps I am experiencing difficulty letting go of my previous vocation. However, I cannot return. I must find my own way, a way without the possibility of the child contact that irks me so. Perhaps I can work from home.

-Laurence